Sue’s son Ben had just graduated from Fordham University and was looking forward to a career in journalism. At 22, he had a bright future ahead of him and was taking writing courses to pursue his dream of someday working at The New York Times. Over the summer, he was writing for Yachting magazine.
But sometimes life takes a tragic turn. On July 29, 2006, while he was with two friends, crossing 57th Street between Eighth and Ninth Avenues in New York City, he was hit by a drunk driver and killed.
Looking back, Sue still vividly recalls the trauma she and her family endured and is convinced she could not have survived if she hadn’t been surrounded by her husband Bob, her children, beloved friends, Ben’s friends and the Jesuit communities of clergy and teachers at Fairfield Prep and Fordham University.
“We all were devastated,” she said. “Ben was a beautiful young man at the top of his game. He had so much promise, brought so much joy and then … he was gone.”
Years later, she still recounts all the traits that made Ben the personable and compassionate person he was.
“There were so many different people that he touched,” she says. “His friendships were longtime and loyal… he was a connector. He was a good listener. He was handsome and funny. He was just so many wonderful things. He loved music and thought someday he might be a music critic.”
Afterward, she and her son Jack, then 13, sprinkled holy water at the place where Ben died, which she has always considered “holy ground.”
Now, Jack is 30 and engaged to a beautiful young woman. Several months ago, when they were looking for an apartment in the city, he called Sue and told her, “Mom, I think we found this great apartment, and I’m going to send you a video of where it is.”
“He told me it was on 57th Street between Eighth and Ninth,” Sue recalls. “I didn’t react. I didn’t want to say, ‘Jack, are you crazy? Of all the buildings in the whole city, you chose there?’ Instead, I tried to absorb it, and when he sent the video, I just sat with it … seeking God’s grace to understand his invitation. Later I explained to Jack where he actually was … to help him remember. I didn’t want him to live with heaviness in his heart, but I told him, ‘There’s more to your coming here than you realize. There’s a good reason God is putting you here, and I’m not quite sure of the reason.’”
“My realization of what God was doing was evolving, and I needed to let it unfold,” she said. “But I knew God was doing something, and I needed to pause to understand what he was telling me… what the lesson was.”
Almost 20 years after Ben’s death, his name always brings happiness to their home, and the family’s shared grief has helped them on their healing journey. “It has been a communal healing process with Ben’s friends and our family and friends.”
Sue said: “When Jack told me he was going to move into this building, which is full of young people, I said to God, ‘Are you kidding me?’ Then, I sat there with this and asked him, ‘What are you trying to teach me?’”
The lesson is still unfolding for her, but she knows the space where her son died is “holy, healing ground.”
And there’s more: “God let me know that Jack and Casey will be very happy there,” she said. “That he is taking this place of great pain and suffering and bringing joy to it …. This is a story of redemption. A story of resurrection.”
“I have both my boys there now,” she says confidently. “There’s pain and there’s joy. It’s remarkable. God brought me to my knees with more and more healing and more and more grace… my heart is filled with gratitude. It overwhelms me that the message God handed us was not meant to be more pain, but healing and joy. We have to pause and take notice of what God is doing, so we can encounter and recognize his grace. I don’t want to miss the grace He continues to offer … and I know that Ben and Jack are on this holy ground together.”
