Monthly Newspaper • DIOCESE OF BRIDGEPORT

“Even to your old age, I will be the same, and I will bear you up when you turn gray. I have made you, and I will carry you. I will sustain you and deliver you.” —Isaiah 46:4

The other day my friend Maria told me that she wished she were 20 years younger. Don’t we all?

She wants those 20 years for a reason. Long ago, she began a prayer shawl ministry at Yale New Haven Hospital, and when she retired, she started one in her parish. After a recent story about her efforts, she’s been overwhelmed with calls to send prayer shawls to people and help other parishes and hospitals.

“I cannot tell you how many people are calling me,” she told me. “I had a man call who’s lived in a facility for 18 months after he fell. He read the article and would like to buy some shawls to give out. He has a Rosary group. Can you believe that? I explained that I only do it for my church. He understood, and I told him I would pray for him … Another call today was from a chaplain at a hospital, asking for my help. He wants to meet me and see if I can start something so he can have prayer shawls to give out.”

Then, she added: “I wish I was 20 years younger. Did I tell you I am 84 years old, and I cannot believe it myself? I retired at 75. Something is telling me I need to do something to help even more. I want to go and visit these people. I am overwhelmed with the reaction this has on my life. Please pray for me so I can do what the Blessed Mother wants me to do.”

Who doesn’t want to retire in their 80s? Practically everyone wants to toss in the towel in their 60s if they can … except for the people working for the Kingdom, because as Jesus said, “The harvest is abundant, but the laborers are few; so ask the master of the harvest to send out laborers for his harvest.”

I also get the feeling that Jesus isn’t the kind of guy who forces his senior employees to retire or take a buyout package. He wants everybody—junior, senior and in-betweener to keep working. He’s always hiring, and in case you didn’t know, he has a great long-term benefits package.

In the past two months, I met another woman in her 80s who runs a food pantry for her parish, and yet another woman in her 80s who’s in charge of a ministry that provides baby clothes to single-moms and needy families. Most of her volunteers are in their 80s, too.

God has a long history of taking people out of retirement and giving them BIG jobs. Unlike bosses in the corporate world, he doesn’t mind if you have gray hair and wrinkles. The Bible is full of examples.

When Joshua, the leader of the Israelite tribes, was looking forward to a little relaxation, the Lord said to him: “Though now you are old and advanced in years, a very large part of the land still remains to be possessed.” Translation: Forget the vegetable garden. Get to work.

Abraham was living a life of leisure, worshiping idols, when the Lord came knocking. He was 75 when he set out from Haran to a new land God showed him. And Moses’ story is one for the record books. God called him out of retirement at 80 and told him to confront Pharaoh and lead the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt. Moses promptly responded to the job offer by saying, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

Psalm 92 says, “In old age, they will still bear fruit; healthy and green they will remain.”

And what about Maria, who’s approaching 85? A follow up email from her said: “I made arrangements for that gentleman. He will be getting a shawl and lap blanket for himself, and the others are getting lap blankets, because they are in wheelchairs…

Also, I am going to start a prayer shawls ministry in that hospital. I am going to give them 100 pocket prayer shawls. I already ordered the Miraculous Medals, and I’m having them made up with beautiful cards of the Blessed Mother. I spoke to the person in charge of the clergy, and she was delighted I will help them. I am very excited and will let you know how it is going. Pray for me.”

Most of the three inches of snow were still in the driveway when I got home from school on a recent Monday, just as they were when I left at 6:30 that morning. The minimal melting that occurred during the day only made it slushier—and messier. With my husband out of town for business and my daughters out of state for college, I knew the dreaded job of clearing that mess fell to me.

But I could leave it, I thought, looking out the window with my hands cupped around a mug of tea and willing the late afternoon sun to encourage a little more melting. I could also risk it turning to ice overnight, creating worse problems. Deciding on my first though least desirable option, I finished the tea, donned my jacket and boots and headed outside.

I had barely gotten started when a friend passed by with her dog, so we chatted a bit. Her driveway didn’t look much better than mine, and I sensed she was stalling the inevitable, just as I had done. A few minutes later, the mail carrier came along, and yes, I paused again, and we talked about the obvious—winter weather. Not long after, two elderly neighbors walked past. They didn’t stop to talk, but one nodded toward me and, glancing down at my driveway, said, “Wait a little longer, and God will take care of it.”

I suppose, I thought, and realized that is what I had contemplated just a few minutes earlier. But surely God had many more important things to think about than my slushy driveway. Eventually, I knew he would encourage some extra sunshine and warmth for our little neighborhood but also knew I shouldn’t ask him for something I could accomplish on my own. God had already blessed me with a decent snow shovel, an able body and a pleasant, albeit fading, winter afternoon, so I continued with my chore, pushing the slush and chipping away at the ice as the men meandered away.

Knowing God will take care of it, whatever “it” may be, reminds us to trust in his judgement and have faith that when facing challenges or waiting for answers, he is working to provide a solution, even if it takes time. Surely, we need to practice patience and rely on God’s plan. Though he will handle it all in time, as humans, we have free will and are still responsible for our own actions, even the somewhat trivial ones like clearing our driveways.

So many times, in recent months, had I prayed fervently, asking God to take care of what I could not. When my father was in the hospital after a bad fall. When my cousin was dying from early onset Alzheimer’s. When a co-worker miscarried—again. Those situations were out of our control, and we could only rely on God to take care of them. And he did, though not always in the ways that we on Earth would like. Still, we find comfort in knowing he watches over us, concerned about all that concerns us.

A while later, the driveway was shoveled, the sidewalk was cleared, and I headed back inside, feeling tired but accomplished after taking care of what I could so that God could take care of the rest.

Leading up to the Solemnity of Christ the King, I prayed a novena that said: “Christ, our Savior and our King, renew in me allegiance to your Kingship. I pray for the grace to place you above the powers of this world in all things. I pray for the grace to obey you before any civic authority. I pray for the grace to fervently bring about your Kingdom in my family and community. I pray that you will reign in my mind. I pray that you will reign in my heart. O Prince of Peace, may your reign be complete in my life and in the life of the world.”

It was a spiritual reminder about the need to place Christ before politics, which is not always easy to do in a secular society that is suspicious of religion. Now that the election is over, I hope it’s safe to talk about politics … but probably not, judging by the acrimony that infects conversations, TV talk shows, podcasts and family get-togethers.

I try to follow the advice of Bishop Robert Barron, who when asked what party he’s rooting for or whether he’s a Democrat or Republican, promptly responds, “I’m a Catholic.”

This year when my neighbors put political signs on their lawns, I put out statues of the Blessed Mother, St. Francis of Assisi and St. Joseph.

Passersby probably think we belong to the so-called “Christian nationalism” movement and want to make Pope Francis our president. (A fear throughout U.S. history was that “papists” took orders from Rome.)

So people wouldn’t get the wrong idea, I put American flags on either side of the Blessed Mother so no one would doubt my love of the land of the free and the home of the brave, and hopefully the land of religious liberty. As Catholics, we should always pray to Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception, patroness of the United States, for the future of our country.

I confess that my wife thought I got a little carried away because I also put a picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe in the living room window and a poster of the Divine Mercy Jesus in the dining room window.

Religious displays are frowned upon in a secular humanist society, and any mention of Jesus tends to make people uncomfortable, but it’s time to let our family and friends know where we stand.

A lot of us tout our faith but try to massage it so it adheres to the Democratic platform or the Republican platform. However, I’ve always believed our faith should inspire our politics, but our politics should not distort our faith.

In the 1940s, French theologian Jacques Ellul recognized the direction the world was taking and wrote a book titled The Presence of the Kingdom about the Kingdom of Christ and the kingdom of man.

“We need to remember that the Christian must not act in exactly the same way as everyone else,” he said. “He has a part to play in this world which no one else can possibly fulfill. He is not asked to look at the various movements which men have started, choose those which seem ‘good,’ and then support them. He is not asked to give his blessing to any particular human enterprise, not to support the decisions of man … If the Christian works with all his might at some human project, he is only a human being like others, and his effort is worth no more than that; but if he accepts his specific function as a Christian, this is decisive for human history.”

In 1925, Pope Pius XI established the Solemnity of Christ the King in response to growing secularism, and in his encyclical Quas Primas, he reminded the world that Christ is our real King, and to him we owe allegiance.

The pope said that “manifold evils in the world were due to the fact that the majority of men had thrust Jesus Christ and his holy law out of their lives; that these had no place either in private affairs or in politics … And as long as individuals and states refused to submit to the rule of our Savior, there would be no really hopeful prospect of lasting peace.”

Several days after Christmas, on the Feast of the Holy Family, I sat in church with my own family, still intact for a few more weeks before college and studies pulled our daughters away. We marveled once again at the beauty of the sanctuary, made even more so by an abundance of red and white poinsettias, two tall pine trees softly lit, and of course, the manger scene which now held the baby Jesus, as it was empty on Christmas Eve.

With the church a little less crowded today, the manger and the Holy Family were unobscured. Thoughts of gifts, parties and Santa Claus already seemed weeks ago.

Just before the opening hymn, another family slid into the pew behind us with a little boy about three and his baby sister. The toddler immediately started chattering in that adorable voice of childhood, asking questions, talking to his sister and pointing out the manger scene to his parents. As a plush Santa popped up on the back of the pew between my daughters, I heard the little boy ask his mother in that same adorable voice, “Does Jesus have any elves?” That prompted a giggle from the girls. Jesus? Elves? How cute. How silly.

His mother whispered something that I could not hear and handed him a box of raisins along with the plush Santa. He chattered a bit more but let that question rest. Touched with the innocence and curiosity of a child, it remained with me, however, throughout Mass and the remainder of the day, and I wondered what his mother had said. Magical elves at the North Pole prompt Santa in deciding who’s naughty and nice, whereas Jesus loves all of his disciples, offering eternal love and forgiveness. And of course, Jesus – the babe in the manger and the man on the cross – is God made flesh, not the fantasy of childhood or legend. No pointy-eared assistants ever accompanied him.

In some ways, I thought, we as followers of Jesus do function as his assistants by practicing compassion, serving others, and spreading the Gospel. While he cannot make a meal for a sick neighbor, deliver clothes to a homeless shelter or teach children of his sacrifice, we can, as we mirror his actions in our own lives. We are encouraged in Deuteronomy to “serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.” The parish saw that in action as the tags of our Giving Tree were snatched away just hours after being hung, replaced a week later with piles of gifts. And, as fires rage in communities thousands of miles of way, those in areas of safety rush to provide for them. These are Jesus’ teachings at work, accomplished with love by those who assist him.

As one year ends and another begins, I wonder how we, as disciples of Christ, can serve others—through him—even more, not as elves per se, but as ones committed to his example.

I haven’t seen that young family again. Maybe they were visiting. Maybe they attend a different Mass. No matter. I just hope that little boy continues to ask questions and become curious about his faith until one day soon when he too can follow in the footsteps of that child in the manger.

You know how they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Well, I’m that old dog, so don’t even try.

However, when it comes to marriage, I still don’t know what I’m doing. Every day there’s a new surprise or a new challenge. As they say, “The hits just keep on coming…” My wife Sandy agrees. (At least I hope she does.)

Nevertheless, I had a chance to learn some new “tricks” recently when I attended the Wedding Jubilarian Mass that Bishop Frank Caggiano celebrated for 60 couples, who had 25 to 69 years of marriage. He told them they were powers of example “in a society that considers marriage a contract rather than a covenant.”

Whenever I ask people what their secret is to a long marriage, I take it. That day I talked to 12 couples, who said you need patience, understanding, love, prayer and a commitment to God, not to mention the willingness to forgive and “give in.” I should add that you have to take it a day at a time—to borrow wisdom from 12 Step programs.

These couples knew what they were talking about. They understood marriage is a sacred sacrament and not just a Vegas impulse.

I still remember when our third daughter and her fiancée told us they were planning a wedding on the beach in the Hamptons in Hawaiian outfits. I gulped. My wife was less sympathetic. She told them: “That’s such a creative idea, Sweetheart … but if we’re paying, you’re getting married in church with a priest.” End of discussion.

When my cousin got “hitched” a few years ago, there was no priest, no minister, no rabbi … and not one mention of God. After the New Age readings, my wife looked at me, but I didn’t look back because I knew what she was thinking since we were both thinking the same thing: “What the (words omitted) is going on here?”

Let me share the best marriage advice you’ll ever get. Infinitely better than anything from Dr. Phil, Dr. Ruth or Dr. Oz. It’s something that was read at weddings pre-Vatican II and should be used today. It’s called the Exhortation Before Marriage, which the priest read at our wedding. It says, in part:

“You are about to enter upon a union which is most sacred and most serious. It is most sacred because it was established by God himself … This union is most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate, that it will profoundly influence your whole future. That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes. You know that these elements are mingled in every life and are to be expected in your own. And so not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death,

“And because these words involve such solemn obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the great principle of self-sacrifice. And so you begin your married life by the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life, which you are to have in common. Henceforth you will belong entirely to each other. You will be one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections. And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this mutual life, always make them generously.

“Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome. Only love can make it easy, and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in proportion as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, and the Son so loved us that he gave himself for our salvation.

“No greater blessing can come to your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and true to the end. May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears. The rest is in the hands of God.” You’ll never get better advice than that.